Illustration: Andy Friedman

The Oblique and Indecipherable Phrase “Self-Sustaining”
Let’s add “line-caught” while we’re at it. And “hand-dived.” And “biodynamic.”

Tableside Service
An elaborate retro ceremony designed with one purpose only: to add a few extra bucks to your already stratospheric bill.

Communal Dining Tables
A nice idea in theory. But in practice, New Yorkers aren’t as well mannered as Amish dairy maids.

Boutique Hamburger Bars
What’s the next low-food fetish? Gourmet oatmeal troughs?

Reservation-Only Cocktail Bars
If you have to make a reservation to sit at the bar, then it’s not a bar.

Gastropubs
The Spotted Pig can stay. The rest of you can hurry back across the Atlantic.

Paying $2 for Your Designer Steak Sauce
Is a thimble of “Bourbon Peppercorn” two bucks better than ketchup? Nope.

Pickle Jars As a Decorative Motif
Maybe in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Not in Manhattan.

All Entrées Over $30
Especially considering we’re already paying $10 for a measly portion of green beans.

Related:

• Archive: “Food”
• Table of Contents: January 8, 2007 issue of New York | Subscribe!