The sunglasses are so no one can see the tears.

Today is very uncomfortable for Vikram Pandit. After a brief rally this morning due to reports of a possible merger, shares of Citigroup are on another downward slide and have actually, horrifyingly fallen below the $4 mark as of around 11 a.m. “Investors right now aren’t convinced that we’re done seeing dead bodies on the Citigroup balance sheet,” one equity analyst told Bloomberg News today. The Journal was way harsher, calling the slide "an illustration of what happens when the market loses all confidence in a company’s ability to do, well, anything."

The big news today is that the appointment of Hillary Clinton to secretary of State is basically a done deal. Obama is ready to offer, Hillary is ready to accept, Bill's vetting apparently hasn't revealed any associations with anyone disqualifyingly shady, and the offer should be finalized just after Thanksgiving. So is the un-Obama-like drama of the past week — the leaks, the political maneuvering, the anonymous sniping — over? Actually, no — if Clinton really is to join the administration, many believe it's just beginning. But the collapse of Obama's formerly tight-lipped operation isn't all on her shoulders, either.

Announcing her deal to write a motivational book, Ivanka Trump actually had the blinding gall to say, "My father always impressed upon me the idea that America is a meritocracy and that you must work for everything you get." Which could only be topped by Mike Bloomberg's 25-year-old daughter Georgina, who owns nine horses and a BMW, saying, "I'm not rich, my father's rich. When I go shopping, that's my own money." In less gasket-blowingly deluded news, Cuddle-Guv Paterson, Hillary (in a headband!), and Chuck Schumer ended up doing a Borscht-Belt routine involving the TelePrompTer the other night at an RFK Center gala. A 9-year-old boy on the set of 30 Rock playing a little thug who mugs Tina Fey (ha-ha-ha!) was nearly killed when a cab mowed down the shoot. Herbert Hoover great-granddaughter and Fox News regular Margaret Hoover will marry former Giuliani speechwriter and Post op-ed contributor John Avlon. Ann Coulter will officiate in the splendid setting of the Cato Institute. (Some facts fabricated.)

Profligate Turks.

As Albany falls further into its state-budget-crisis shame spiral, it's nice to know that at least one man is able to get up out of bed every morning and live like Cribs might drop by at any minute: Governor Paterson. Actually, more like his interior decorator, or whoever it specifically was who dropped the New York State AmEx (do we even qualify for a Black card?) and used taxpayer funds to purchase $37,741 in Turkish rugs for the Executive Mansion. Two of the five Turkish throws are antiques worth more than $20,000 — those beauties were purchased on July 29, which was the day that the guv announced that lawmakers would have to cut short their vacations for an emergency budget-cutting session. Two more of the rugs were purchased from UES rug dealer Stark Carpets (favored by Spitzer and the Reagan White House!); the carpet company coincidentally donated over $8,000 to Paterson and Spitzer's campaigns. But before you get really pissed, keep this in mind: The Stark Carpets rugs were "assembled from scraps of antique Turkish rugs in a factory in New York." See? They're locally produced and recycled.

Jennifer Aniston must feel so vindicated today. The Times, which only recently published a lengthy, loving story about how Angelina Jolie, humanitarian and actress, manages to rise above her tabloid image, threw itself into an investigation of how the man-stealing actress controls her publicity, and in a Page One story concluded that she is basically a self-obsessed manipulative freak. And it. is. awesome. We learn that:

• "The actress does not employ a publicist or an agent. The keys to her public image belong to her alone." Sinister.
• People is totally a slave to her: When she sold the photos of her and Brad Pitt with their daughter, Shiloh, to the magazine, she dictated the terms of not only the story that went with it but insisted on an "editorial plan" for further coverage of her, including a stipulation that they not ever use the term "Brangelina," which she hates. We hate it too, but this just makes us want to say it all the time. Brangelina. Brangelina. Brangelina. Okay, we'll stop now. People denies this, but who are they kidding?

The Dow dropped 445 points today, to 7552.29. Shares in Citibank lost 26 percent, despite a hot cash injection from Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal. Oil dropped to $50 a barrel. And JPMorgan Chase dropped 19 percent. But these dry facts don't really tell you what the day was like for market-watchers. For that, we must turn to the message board on New York parenting Website YouBeMom. Selections of the conversations that took place there today appear below, and we recommend losing yourself in the rhythm of it, as one might with an epic poem or song. We'll title it:

The Ballad of The New York House Wife

the dow is down 17 percent from 10 years ago. i started working 10 years ago. i might as well ahve spent and enjoyed the money i saved
In 40 years when you are retiring, I doubt you will say that.
I know, but it doesn't feel good now! I was being facetious. Kind of. ;)
Yeah... I am feeling a little better about the fact that I didn't really save.
45% down.....in one year. insane
the year isn't over yet
That's what scares me.
lol
The dow?
Yes

Now, even lighter!

In today’s media-layoff news, Time‘s expats become men without a country, the AP may or may not ax 400 staffers, and all of our mother’s favorite magazines are slowly dying. Here's the latest death toll:

• London-basedTime Europe has laid off more than half of its editorial staff, including two senior editors. With the mag’s Israeli and German editors gone after their contracts expire soon, and rumors about Hong Kong cuts, we might be looking at an amalgamated Time World in the future, where country-based reporting is too costly. [Gawker]

• Cooking Light has lost a number of editors, its senior vice-president, and its publisher in the storm of cuts at Southern Progress, the Time Inc. arm that also owned the late Cottage Living. [FishbowlNY/Mediabistro]

Prince Hal wins! The cool and calculating younger son seizes control of the Yankees from his blustering brother Hank!

Well, on Major League Baseball’s flow chart, anyway. MLB announced today that a vote of the owners of the other 29 franchises approved the Yankees’ request to transfer “control” of the franchise from George Steinbrenner to Hal. It doesn’t mean that Hal has any more power than he did yesterday, however. MLB requires each team to have a single head, but that’s more a formality than anything (for instance, according to MLB, the Mets are controlled by Fred Wilpon, but his son Jeff is running more of the show as time goes on). The move does underscore what happened during the 2008 season, with Hal a bigger presence in the Bronx and in the financial management of the Yankees. Hank’s not much for titles or formalized responsibility, but he’s still very much a force, if an erratic one, in decisions about pursuing free-agent pitchers C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett, because of his personality and his standing as first-born son.